Calico Skies

Life is a lot about extremes lately. Its rough here. To be alone here, to struggle with what sometimes feels like a job a monkey could do. Its worst when I'm at the end of a show run, pushing the go button for the 400,000th time on a show that has lost its wonder for me. In those times, I remind myself that tech is coming up and life will improve. Intellectually, I know that tech will remind me why I'm here: to learn, to be challenged, to be part of a group effort, to watch designers work. I know it in my head but not in my heart.

Thankfully, this latest tech period is proving to be a total life saver. I've been dreading the start of A Christmas Carrol since I started here. Everyone walks around moaning about how they've done it so many times and there are so many children and so many early matines and long days. Moan, huff, doom, terror. To make matters worse, my "supervisor" has been telling me that Christas Carrol is the Biggest Sound Install EVER and oh my god, we'll never get it done and he's hired a million people to help and we will work all day and all night. So yes, I was completely dreading this show.

In the end, however, this show has been a godsend. There have definitely been frustrations - most having to do with the ineptitude of my boss and the ridiculous hours it causes me to work - and I'm tired from 10 out of 12s that are really 14 out of 12s. But MAN, this show reminds me why I chose to go back to theatre.

Last year, I began a job that paid more than either of my parents have ever made in their lives. I knew it wasn't what I wanted, but I was way too scared to turn down the security and, frankly, I didn't have the balls it takes to do theatre. I thought that I could force myself to change into someone who cared about architectural lighting. To an extend, I did/ do care. I am fascinated by it, that's still true. But I just absolutely could not make myself care about the clients I slaved away for. And that killed my soul a little.

Though it was expected that all employees spend time at various venues the firm designed, I never did. Not once. Not only was I unenthusiastic about dressing up to go somewhere that would require I pretend to be hip, I honestly couldn't afford to eat or drink there. We worked for the NY elite class. Rich people who art part of some social scene I cannot pretend to understand. Rich people who will pay hundreds of dollars a plate to eat in a restaurant with color-changing seats and crazy, elaborate design. I designed the exterior lighting for a hotel that charged $400 a night per tiny room. When I parents came for to see me, they wanted to stay there but couldn't afford it. They wanted to stay where I had worked, but the reality is that we are not Those People. Infact? I hate Those People. The ones who celebrate their disposable income like that. It made me sick, physically and spiritually, to be working for them.

So far, Christmas Carrol has had two previews. The patrons at each preview are 500 children who have received free tickets (sponsored by donors). Most have never been inside a theatre in their lives. For a program mention, Starbucks provides us with free cookies and hot chocolate for the kids. Admittedly, I was worried about what 500 sugared-up children running around my mixer platform would be like.

But you know what? Its healing my soul. The show is full of old school theatre tricks. The basic tricks that really work. Hiding people behind other actors so that they can suddenly "appear", set pieces on wheels attached to a black rope, pushed on stage by a crew member wearing black gloves that appear to be floating, old fashioned hoist and pulley fly systems for the "ghosts." There's no machine automation, just elbow grease and a few well-timed blackouts.

And the kids eat it up! They absolutely love the show. We all spend the show laughing at the sound of 500 children gasping or laughing or screaming. From my platform in the house, I can here ten year old boys try to figure out how something just happened or yell, "Woah!". I get to watch the five year old little girl who plays Want pick her nose on stage.

I've been overdrawn and stressed out, paying past due amounts just in time, rationing the gas in my car, and extending forbearances.

But I have to tell you - each one of those little kid crowd reactions fills me with such warmth that I am glad to have given up 20k in salary for this. This is one of the most right choices I've made.